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on the ones we hold dear…

July 20, 2012

i had intended to write today about some of my recent favorite finds on etsy… but in light of the recent events in colorado, i decided the tone of my post should more accurately reflect what i have spent the day thinking.  i was surprised and saddened to hear about the shooting that occurred in colorado overnight, while i was sleeping soundly in my comfortable bed.  it made me think about the things that i hold dear in my life– mostly, the people that i cannot imagine living without.  thoughts flood my mind in instances like these about how precious all of our lives are; how quickly things can change; how much we all take for granted.  when the newscaster tells the stories of terrible tragedies like these, i want to hold my friends and family close to me– i want to wrap them all in bear hugs that just aren’t allowed to end.

i will be the first to admit that when i feel hurt, or wronged, or just plain sad about the way i have been treated by someone, i can overreact.  my emotions get tightly wrapped up in my belly and my mind races.  i feel like i can’t breathe.  i want to disappear.  i want to implode.  but i can never, ever, even in my most angry or my most frail state, imagine my life without the people i care about.  i cannot imagine not speaking to them; not spending time with them; not connecting with them.  i know that i don’t ever want to walk away from those relationships and friendships that are important to me, because those connections matter so deeply to me.  i am aware it is because i care so deeply for those people that i get hurt, or angry, or sad.  i cannot even begin to imagine the feelings i would have if someone else took away from me someone i Loved.  i cannot imagine how it would feel to lose a friend or family member because someone else felt angry or wronged, and chose to take it out on innocent bystanders.  i cannot imagine how the families and friends of the people that died in colorado, in the wee hours of the morning, must feel today.  i would be lost without the ones i hold dear…

lately, harper has been on quite an independent streak.  she has always been quite self-sufficient and can spend long periods of time playing and looking at books on her own, but lately she has become even more motivated to do things on her own; to be more of her own person.  i tend to see her walking away from me a lot more often.  and while i welcome the change and know that all children grow and change and become more of themselves and less dependent on us adults, it is difficult to watch.  i know i must let go.  i know i must prepare myself for all of the letting go i will do in the future.  but it is hard some days to stand by and let her do her own thing.  it is hard on days like today, when the world feels so full of grief and just so sad, to imagine letting her walk away, alone– ever; to release into uncertainty someone i hold so dear…

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One Comment leave one →
  1. evie permalink
    July 20, 2012 1:16 pm

    Very nice Lydia…such a sad time in this day and age…
    Love to you and your family!
    Evie

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