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on letting go and flying and flying and flying…

June 15, 2012

this week i came across this poem…

lean in
closer still
tell me all your wants
the things no one will give you
the wishes you never tell anyone
don’t get weepy
Be brave
open your fat hand
full mouth
old eyes
at the bottom of your heart
lives a bird
you must let that fucker fly

–amy turn sharp

…and then i died.  i don’t know exactly what it is about this poem that made my stomach somersault, but every single word turns my skin to gooseflesh.  i guess it is especially the last few lines that cause a storm to swell inside me.  i think of that bird inside of me, at the bottom of my heart, and how good it feels when i set that bird free– i think of how it feels when i truly let go of my hang-ups, my sadness, my preoccupations and fully fly.  those are the moments i am dancing around the living room to music that is too loud on the stereo.  i am flying when i catch my daughter seeing something for the first time (the way her eyes become illuminated), or when something, out of nowhere, will tickle her so much so that she has to brace herself against the couch as she doubles over in laughter and squeals.  those moments when i finally finish writing something that i have tried to complete for months, i am in flight.  reading this poem freed the bird inside of me.  reading this poem inspired me to (write better poetry!) let go more often– even though it is difficult for me to relinquish control over things, even though i feel pulled under by the tide of life sometimes and would rather just wallow in my self-pity, even though i could find a million excuses at any given time to just not let go.  this poem reminded me that i need more moments in my life of dancing, and laughing (even if only at my daughter’s facial expressions), and writing.  my life is really full of joy if i think about it and i need to spend more minutes of my day considering the happiness i have rather than sulking.  i needed a reminder that i have a little bird inside of me and that bird really wants me to relax and smile and fly and fly and fly.

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