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on finding words in the springtime…

April 6, 2012

the return of spring, each year, makes me feel motivated and creative and expressive and generally brings out all of the stuff i have built up inside me all winter long.  currently, i feel like writing poetry more than i have in a long, long (very long) time, so, that is what i am doing again today.  if you hate this stuff, bear with me, i promise one day (surely soon) my inspiration will dim and i will have more interesting things to write about.  anyway, this one is kinda dark, but i hope you like it.

i wished him dead
more than once.
that way would be simpler.
that way would make it
easier to leave.
after all, he spoke of it
often enough.
usually late at night,
weighed-down and wasted,
he would sit on the edge
of the bed
and say he’d like to fall over
onto dull-tipped swords.
i would think to myself
that i wish he would–
just get it over with.
at least, then, i would be
well-rested for work
the next morning.
at least, then, i would be
able to move freely
through the space we had shared.
at least, then, i would be
at peace and the thermostat
could stay at 68 degrees.

there were plenty of days
i Loved him, but
now that i think about it
those were always the days
he worked late.
i could come home
and imagine how good
things used to be.
i did things in the quiet
that would define me–
like letting the dogs out to run
in our small yard,
and ridding the chill
from the house that held on
all day long
while we’d been gone.
i always Loved coming home
and filling the wood stove
with alder logs and
newspaper kindling; starting
a fire with those long, red-
tipped matches, claiming,
“strike anywhere,”
pouring shiraz in only one glass
(this is just for me).

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 8, 2012 10:02 am

    as always – you inspire me. i Love the conversational tone of this piece, the witty tongue in cheek humor, and the ‘scary’ parts that have us all questioning and worrying through the read. they are things we, as wives, girlfriends, significant others, ALWAYS think, but never have the nerve to say. beautiful.

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