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on the day-to-day (-to-day-to-day-to-day)…

March 16, 2012

the past few weeks in my home have been more overwhelming than usual.  nothing bad has happened– no long stories of sadness or sorrow to report… just so much life to deal with that twenty four hours in the day simply don’t seem sufficient.  a few weeks back, harper’s first molars started to (finally) surface and there was a long, intense day of teething and tears, (along with too much t.v., and tylenol).  it was rough on everyone here, since harper never has really minded getting teeth (or at least didn’t much fuss over them until the molars)… she was clingy and temperamental and it was impossible to get anything done except cuddling and comforting her.  and it was nice to get in so many snuggles in attempt to soothe her, but it was exhausting.  the feeling around here surrounding the teething crisis can be accurately summarized by this photo (pouty lip and all):

so, that happened.  and then it was over.  the following morning, upon closer inspection, i realized harper has also become the recipient of the two canines jutting through her lower gums and i imagine that was some of her heartache as well.  at this point, i am excited to say that we only have two more molars and two more canines (all in her upper gums) set to poke through left on the horizon.  well, at least for a while.  teething, i will not miss you at all.

i carved out some space during this past week (jason’s spring break) to do some fun things, too.  like i said, it hasn’t been terrible over here… just packed full of “where do all the minutes go” type thoughts.  one day i let harper experience the joy of painting for a while:

granted, not a lot of paint made its way onto the paper, but she had a lot of fun and i was so excited to see her interested in something she had never done before.  it is fascinating to watch a child learn, in all their messy ways, the textures and tangibility of life through playing and creating.  it was amazing to see her touch brush to paper (and skin, and hair, and and and…) and create something (however small) all on her own.  all because she was allowed to express herself.  babies are seriously cool.

also in the past few weeks, i had a party!  whooooo!  i don’t do much socializing now that harper is around and does all of her baby-black-magic tricks, sucking my time into her toddler-vortex.  however, there was fun had recently at my home with adults and children alike.  i was a little nervous to see harper interact with so many people, especially people she had never met or hadn’t seen for many months, but everything turned out smoothly.  she seemed to bounce from person to person, chirping her, “hi, hi, hi” at anyone within earshot.  she seemed to adore the attention that was lavished upon her.  and by far, her favorite person of all was griffin, my dear friend talia’s son.  she could not stop following him around, looking at him, and even cornering him into place so she could wrap her arms around him affectionately for as many moments as he would tolerate.  i was overjoyed to see her sociable with so many of my friends and i was thankful that my friends were so receptive of her, as well.  it was also nice to feel like i got some adult time in with my pals, since there are many times i just can’t get away from home to socialize.  it was wonderful.  and exhausting.

i feel like sometimes it is so difficult to take a deep breath and step back away from this entire experience of parenthood.  i feel like there are so few moments for me to look around and really enjoy what it is that happens day in and day out.  it is hard not to let moments pass you by when you really need to clean the toilet or when lunch really needs to get on the table.  i try, though… i really try.  i try to spend my moments admiring everything that there is to relish in as a mother.  it’s hard some days.  some days there is just so much to get accomplished.  but the days i Love, the days i genuinely treasure are both good and bad.  they are filled with unmade beds and sorbet instead of sandwiches.  they are filled with bear hugs between breathy sobs and naps on couches regardless of time constraints and schedules.  they are filled with smiles and greetings and words and art and joy.  somewhere in all this day-to-day bullshit where i can’t seem to focus in on the important and unimportant and decision and indecision and feeling like “ohmygodimustbelosingmymind,” i figure i will look back and it will all be a blur.  a blur of happiness, nonetheless, but time here, and then so magically and mysteriously gone.  hopefully when i look back, it will look something like this:

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