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No Man is an Island: But is Every Woman?

January 26, 2012

Do you ever just feel lonely? Like, like you’re the only one that’s going through this or that, that the world is out to get you, that you don’t want to work anymore, that you want to sleep all day and watch tv all night and pretend that that’s just ok? Today, I do.

Usually I’m not that person. I’m not going to say I’m all ‘Choose Joy’ like some people, but I’m a pretty positive person when it comes down to it. I can find the good in almost anything and I can smile even about the most mundane things. If I’m having a particularly bad day (say I get a ‘neutral’ review on Etsy or someone wants to return/refund a book) generally I look over to my ever-adorable, superbly sweet, amazingly happy two and a half year old and none of it even remotely matters. It doesn’t take much. His smile. His laugh. His dancing. Whatever. I could just run my fingers through his long blonde hair and I’ll be back in the dream world that is .  . . used to be my life .

But these days, it’s just getting harder and harder. I have to hold him closer, bury my nose in his covered in ketchup toddler clothes and let him wrap his arms all the way around my neck before I feel that negative energy escape me . . and it’s starting to bother me.

—-

Maybe it’s being a ‘stay-at-home mom’ or maybe it’s being a self-proclaimed ‘artist’. Maybe it’s the drama that is ever-unfolding behind the big oak door that protects our home from the outside world and maybe it’s just all of the above. I’m not sure what it is . . . it’s just sometimes, it’s a lonely life. Don’t you think?

They sometimes say (who’s ‘they’ anyway) that artists are more creative, have more inspiration, are guided by their muse, when they’re unhappy. Hell, the moment Alanis got happy I stopped listening to her and Ani definitely lost something when she got married (I know, weird examples). But not me. I’m not that kind of creative. I can’t work when I’m feeling down. I can’t function. I can’t move. Unless I force myself. And then, out of that force comes nothing but ugly. Garbage. Trash. Misprints and glue foul-ups. There’s nothing good in that, and it just makes me feel worse for the wear.

I don’t know- I’m sure this mood will fade. The little one will surely pull me out of my funk and something, hopefully, will come of it. But until then, I’m left feeling like an island, stuck in the middle of nowhere with not a soul to commun(icat)e with . . .

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 26, 2012 1:25 pm

    you are definitely not alone.

    (and thank you for putting into words the things most of us just keep shoving deeper and darker inside ourselves – pretending everything is OK when it isn’t)

  2. January 26, 2012 1:53 pm

    Me too….
    Well said, Talia! That’s why we have each other!

  3. January 26, 2012 1:58 pm

    I know how you feel! I think everyone gets in this slump–it may have something to do with this ugly awful time of year too. Right now I’m bouncing rapidly between feeling happy and somewhat successful to feeling like an overwhelmed failure. Depends on the day and even the hour.
    Hang in there! We’ll get through this funk!

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