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on the change of scenery…

December 16, 2011

when i first discovered i was pregnant, it was difficult to wrap my mind around a world with a baby in it.  i couldn’t imagine my regular backdrop not being front porches in the springtime, or smoky bars just before closing, or my little rented room with lilac paint and hardwood floors.  i spent a lot of time in that bedroom.  i spent a lot of time writing poetry and editing my boyfriend’s stories.  i spent hours sleeping and cuddling in bed with my dog.  i felt at home in that room– with a built-in bookshelf and all my art acquired over the years hanging on a singular wall.  it was grandiose.  it was all me.  so, of course, i couldn’t imagine a place where there would ever be a baby.  and all those bright, ugly, baby things. all the baby items i had ever seen had a few simple, overarching themes: bright (often primary) colors and annoying noises.  now that i am a mother, i know that what i had surmised is true– the toys are loud, and bold in color.  but now, i cannot imagine them not in my life.  i cannot imagine them not occupying space on my floor.

i also know now that if i didn’t have all this gaudy crap spread throughout my apartment, that would mean i didn’t have my favorite things– her.

and us.  and that would be a really unfortunate change of scenery.

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