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Saying "I do" without saying "Why did I do this?"

October 11, 2011

Attending weddings is awesome. You get to go watch two people you presumably care about on one of the biggest days of their lives be all schmoopy-lovey with each other, get some food and cake (CAKE!), and maybe dance a few jigs to the timeless stylings of ABBA and MC Hammer.

Can't Touch This?

Planning a wedding is not awesome. Yeah, there are the moments you’re in sync with your partner and you stumble upon a doily you both adore or one of you swallows your pride enough to go with your love’s favorite shade of periwinkle. Often though you’re chanting in your head “I love this person, right? Yes, yep, pretty sure, even though I never thought they’d want a bounce house at our reception.”

On top of having to agree on each decision, you have that whole WEDDINGS ARE EXPENSIVE thing. They are. Even if you try to do the “budget wedding” everything adds up quickly. That perfect doily? Yeah, it’s only .39 but when you multiply that by 200 it’s $78 worth of doily. And that brings us to the next point: 200 guests. Unless you have the gumption to tell Great Aunt Esther (whom you haven’t seen in 7 years but always sends you a birthday card with a crisp $1 bill inside and warns you in all seriousness not to “spend it all in one place”) that she can’t attend your wedding, you’ll find your guest list grow to that ridiculous number.

She already bought her tiara and everything.

And at least G.A.E. is blood, unlike your blustering boss who can’t wait to get the whole office on the floor for the Electric Slide. Whole office?, you think. Yep, unless you wanna heat up your lunch next to Gassy Gary and explain why so and so was invited and he wasn’t even though, as he’s quick to point out, he helped you with that copy machine jam last August.

Who wants to disappoint this poor fella?

So now you have a room decorated in a color you don’t really like, filled with people you’re luke warm about, spending money you don’t really have and your new spouse is nowhere to be found until you remember hearing someone scream “Bounce House Beer Pong!!”

Open Bar+Bounce House=Bad Things Will Happen

As my partner and I begin planning our wedding slated for next fall, we’re begging you for advice on how not to end up watching Aunt Esther and my boss do the YMCA. What are your tips for letting down the folks who assume they’ll be getting an invite? You know what assuming does, right? It makes an ass out of you and me…but mostly me because I look like a big, huge jerk for not inviting you to our wedding since I attended your wedding a decade ago even though I’ve only seen you three times since then and you’ve never even met my girlfriend. *sigh* Wedding are hard, expensive, exhausting…wonderful, joyous and a once-in-a-lifetime thing, right? Right!

Please help us. I know that the folks who read Conduit Press are resourceful, talented, sensitive and sympathetic, so help us out: what are your best tips for creating your dream wedding with your dream décor for the dream price with your dream people at your dream venue. Am I living in a dream world?

-Nicole Collins

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. October 11, 2011 12:40 pm

    i say get the bouncy castle and nix the periwinkle. compromise! i just got engaged too so it’s onto the wedding planning. and considering my large catholic family, it’ll be interesting to be the first one not getting married in a church and the first one finding a way to NOT invite everyone. i have 8 aunts and uncles on ONE side. and then the kids. but i’m going by the philosophy that if i’m not going to have fun and the guests aren’t going to have fun, then why plan it at all?

  2. Nicole Collins permalink
    October 11, 2011 12:43 pm

    Our philosophy exactly, Sarah! I hate the thought of my nearest and dearest being sacrificed in favor of extended family that I never see. We’re blessed b/c neither set of parents is pushing a guest list on us. Whew! Good luck with your wedding planning. If you haven’t heard on the website Pinterest, I can’t recommend it highly enough.
    And thanks for taking my side on the bounce house/periwinkle debate!
    Just kidding if you’re reading this, honey! 😉

  3. Katy permalink
    November 14, 2011 3:23 pm

    I’m just saying, bounce houses at wedding receptions are AWESOME. And if there are ANY kids at the reception, they will be fully occupied, trust.

    Also: Crawling in with your new spouse for a First Bounce is hilarious and fun.

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